


my yellow rose

by vintagekyu



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band), YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Dodam, Moving On, Platonic Yesahi, Post-Break Up, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28284384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintagekyu/pseuds/vintagekyu
Summary: Asahi was lost. Lost in his own mind. Lost reliving his past.Struggling to move on, haunting memories of his old lover resurfaces at every corner. How long can he continue living this way?
Relationships: Hamada Asahi/Bang Yedam, Hamada Asahi/Park Jihoon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	my yellow rose

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic, so please excuse any mistakes! 
> 
> Note: Whenever there's a line is going across the page, a flashback is either starting or ending.
> 
> Have fun reading <3

Asahi ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the warm sun rays lightly caress his forehead. 

Enjoying the scene in front of him, he made sure not to miss a single detail. Firstly looking at the kids playing tag further along the beach, then to the calm waves out on the ocean ( _Asahi always loved the ocean),_ and lastly to the blue sky, where clouds slowly passed by. _He felt peaceful. Everything was perfect._ He gently laid his head down to get a better view of the clouds, running his hands through every single grain of sand in reach in the process. _He could get used to this._

Asahi had dreamed of this as long as he could remember; falling in love, sharing your entire life with your special someone, growing old together. To meet his lover and know he was the one at first sight, almost like a cosmic connection. 

He was now an adult and perfectly content; fulfilled and happy. He averted his eyes to the person laying next to him, the reason for his euphoria, his entire world; Park Jihoon. 

“You finally left that trance of yours” Jihoon laughs, _and oh how Asahi loved his laugh._ “What are you thinking about?” his lover asked, curiosity and interest evident in his voice. Asahi smiled, taking a moment to admire the beauty of the older; examining his moles, the dark circles that never seemed to leave his eyes, his smile that shined brighter than the sun, the way he would scrunch his nose when flustered by Asahi’s stare, how extremely soft his blond hair looked in the sunlight. _Gorgeous is one of the many ways Asahi would describe Park Jihoon_. “How happy I am, _with you._ ”

* * *

Asahi wakes up in a sweat, holding his hands up against his face in frustration. _He dreamt of him again._ Asahi was tired of seeing Jihoon, feeling haunted by his memory wherever he goes; feeling trapped by his image. But most of all, Asahi was angry; angry at the world, angry at whatever is beyond, angry at the recurring nightmares. He wanted to scream, kick the air, break something, _to hurt himself._ Anything to make himself feel a different emotion, _something other than sorrow and regret._ He wiped his forehead as he made his way to his full-size mirror, staring at himself in disgust. His hair was greasy and unbrushed, his clothes had food stains on them, sweat dripped down from his face to his neck. “I look like shit.”

On edge, almost as if he’s forgetting something important, he takes out his phone to check his schedule, mind going berserk when seeing the time. 21:30, forty five minutes after his shift started. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” he repeated to himself as he threw on whatever clothes were nearest.

The boy ran down the street in pouring rain, being determined to not miss another shift at the coffee shop. He _needs_ this job, not just for himself, but for the people that care about him. The last thing he wants is to worry his parents or friends when he gets sacked from yet another shop. 

Swiftly opening the doors to a tiny cafe located in the outskirts of town, he throws his wet shoes off at the front, yelling out while trying to control his breathing. “I’m here! I’m- I’m here...” _Clearly age has taken a toll on his physical condition_. Seeing only the mere shadow of a man and a ‘closed’ sign in the glass reflection, he realizes he’s too late. “Hamada?” his boss asked, turning around to see his friend drenched. 

The two have been friends since high school, and when Asahi was getting rejected from shop after shop, Yedam decided to help him out. Not only did the younger let him work at his shop without going through any sort of application process, he also let him choose his own working hours, where Asahi (regretfully) chose the night shifts.

“I’m so sorry boss!” he lowered his head, “I won’t do this again.” The younger looked at his friend with sadness in his eyes, knowing how much Asahi’s still hurting. “It's after work hours, just call me Yedam.” he said gently, trying to reassure his friend who hesitantly raises his head. “I don’t know why you still put up with me...” he sulks, feeling guilty for letting his friend down once more. The younger examines him, eyeing him in disapproval of his drenched state. “You’re shaking! Take a blanket from the storage room as I make us two cups of hot chocolate.” Asahi would have protested if it was anyone else, but Yedam was never the one to take ‘no’ as an answer. _He didn’t realize how freezing cold he was before the other mentioned it._

Per Asahi’s request, they relocated to the outside porch, one that faced the town’s most famous beach. Yedam joined his friend on the three seater swing, placing their drinks on the table in front. “Hey, are you okay?” the younger asked, bringing Asahi out of daze. “Well, as okay as I usually am,” he faked a smile, “same old Hamada.” Yedam kept his eyes on the rain, actively avoiding the stare of his friend. _Good thing they had roofing over their heads._ “What about you? What happened to Mr. Go Lucky Sunshine?” Asahi joked light heartedly. _‘Mr. Go Lucky Sunshine’_ was a nickname Asahi gave the other back in high school, being impressed by the younger’s constant cheerful persona. Yedam finally met the eyes of the older, hesitantly opening his mouth,

“Do you remember Doyoung?” Asahi furrowed his eyebrows at the sudden question. “Yeah of course, your boyfriend! Huh… kinda weird how I haven’t seen him for a while.” He tilted his head to the side as he tried his best to think of their last interaction. “ _Ex_ -boyfriend.” Yedam weakly replied, emphasizing the ex. 

Asahi’s eyes widen; immediately looking away as he mentally curses himself out, hating how he never noticed the signs. _“Now that I think about it...Yedam has been unusually melancholy lately”_ he thought to himself.

“God, I’m so sorry…” he frowned at the look of his friend fighting back tears. “Yedam, are you okay?” he moved closer to the younger, rubbing circles on his back and carefully watching him as the younger’s tears started flowing. “I thought we were meant to be...” _so did Asahi_ , which is probably why he never could have guessed it. They were a perfect couple, making nearly everyone around them jealous as they passed by; _reminding him of his own past fling._

* * *

Asahi held the cake high in front of the door, watching the clock tick hour after hour, growing more and more concerned with the dead silence. _He'll come for me, he’d never ditch me_ , Hamada thought to himself. Asahi knows they’re going through a rough patch, but that’s simply what it was; a rough patch. Jihoon and Asahi weren’t just your average couple, not even close. They’re strong, _stronger than most_ , and can easily overcome any troubles they face. 

Well, that was what Asahi told himself, because if he didn’t believe in them, who would? 

The silence slowly killed him. What time was it? _how long has he been waiting, holding a cake up for no one inside an empty apartment?_ He couldn’t tell you, and quite frankly, he didn’t care. All he wanted was to see Jihoon again. He felt suffocated, doubts filling his mind; drowning in worries and possibilities he didn’t want to face.

It’s been months; months since he last saw Jihoon for more than an hour at a time; months since their relationship started to go downhill. During this time Asahi would text his lover non-stop every day, only receiving one worded replies despite all of his effort.

  
  


**23:11**

Asahi: hey, are you coming home today?

**23:27:**

Asahi: i put food for you in the fridge if you’re hungry!

**23:35**

Asahi: it’s chinese take out... your favorite 

**23:55**

Asahi: in case you forgot, it’s our anniversary tomorrow hoonie!

**00:12**

Asahi: if you wanna celebrate just... yk... hit me up? give me a heads up?

**00:30**

Asahi: pls say something jihoon

**1:12**

Jihoon: i’ll be there 

**1:13**

Asahi: yay!! i missed you so much ❤️

He was drained; exhausted out of his mind. In fact, he hadn’t slept for days. First out of worry when getting no replies from Jihoon on his hundreds of messages on multiple different platforms, and then out of sheer excitement when finally being notified by his lover. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself awake, but he had to. He had to, _for Jihoon_. For their relationship. _But then again, he has a key, so maybe sitting down won’t kill anyone_. He hesitantly moved over to the couch, placing the cake on their living room table. 

**JIHOON’S POV:**

He sent a quick message notifying the younger of his arrival, sounding something like “hey sahi, i’m here.” He was nervous, but most of all, he finally felt ready to do something he should have done months prior. 

When opening the door, he initially doesn’t see or hear anyone. _That’s strange_ , he thinks to himself, _Sahi sounded so excited over sns._

That's when Jihoon looked towards their living room, seeing his boyfriend knocked out. He looks so peaceful... _Maybe this isn’t the right time._ He turns around to take off his coat when an image of an ecstatic Asahi seeing his one-sided love enters his mind. _No, he can’t do that to him. No more lies._

He clears his throat, grabbing the attention of the younger who slowly flutters his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. “Hoonie-” he tries to stand, “I made you a cake!” the older helps him back to the couch out of instinct, “it’s lovely.” Jihoon tries to comfort the younger by faking a smile, _making a part of himself break inside._ “I have to tell you something,” Asahi listens attentively, smiling as he hears the voice he missed so dearly. “This hurts me just as much as it’ll hurt you,” _Jihoon’s voice turned as cold as ice_. “We had a beautiful relationship, and I don't regret a thing,“ The younger slowly backs away, hurting his ankle when hitting the back of the couch, but no sound daring to leave his mouth. In just an instant his face changes from radiant to fearful. _Maybe he already knows what the other will say. Maybe he’s known for a while. Maybe he just hoped that this was all a nightmare; that he would wake up and they could have their happy ending._

“But I think this is it. I can't do this anymore Asahi. Thank you for loving me, and for letting me love you. I’m sorry.”

He sees tears form in the younger’s eyes. Not knowing how to comfort the other causes a pit of guilt to grow in his stomach, deciding that he needs to get out immediately; to pull the bandage off quickly. “I need to go, stay safe Sahi.” he says while slowly turning around to walk to the door. Barely audible, he ends their one-sided conversation with, “I'm really sorry.” 

Just like that he existed their shared apartment; exiting their shared life, never looking back. 

What Jihoon didn't stay to see was Asahi’s multiple breakdowns, the sleepless nights, the lack of self care for months on end. _All of Asahi’s pain_. All the pain he had to go through without him, _because of him_. But fortunately he wasn’t alone; Yedam and Doyoung often came over to comfort him whenever they had time. Yedam cooked them healthy meals as he and Doyoung would play whatever game they brought that day. The couple bought the older whatever necessities he couldn’t bother to get for himself. They forced him out of the house, made him laugh, made him feel loved again. Asahi was never alone, not for a single moment. 

* * *

Which brings him back to present; a year later where he currently holds his dear friend in his arms, the same friend that held him high when all he wanted was to fall; the same friend who now stands in the position Asahi was once in. 

Asahi wanted to cry with him, to cry for him, but refrained in order to stay strong for his friend. _Yedam needs a moment to be the weak one; to finally be comforted, not the comforter._

He hated seeing his best friend so fragile. He wanted to punch Doyoung for breaking Yedam’s heart; to make him regret hurting his loved one. _Is this how the other felt for him a year ago?_ he doesn’t care to ask, deciding to hold Yedam tighter instead. “You'll be okay, everything will be okay Damie.” he softly whispers into the others ear. The younger snuggles into Asahi’s neck, getting snot on his new coat. “How can you be so sure?” Yedam hesitates, “are you even okay yourself?” 

The last question catches Asahi off guard. He thinks about it for a moment, _is he okay?_

“I’m not,” he answers honestly, “but I will be.”

Sometimes he wishes he never met Jihoon; that his heart was never broken in the first place, but his personal growth with the help of his former lover was undeniable. He thinks back to what the older told him that night, “ _thank you for loving me, and for letting me love you.”_ He finally understood the meaning behind those words. He was truly grateful for Jihoon; truly grateful for the older loving him unconditionally when he needed it the most. He grew with Jihoon, the constant support and reassurance from his most beloved helped him become his best self; learning to love himself for all that he is, and accepting all that he isn’t. But most importantly, Jihoon taught him how to wholeheartedly love another person without ever expecting anything in return. The kind of love where you’d do anything for their happiness, even if that meant removing yourself from the equation. 

A thing he could only realize while comforting a friend in his very own situation; an element of his former relationship he only just came around to appreciating.

Asahi continued, “I’m already much better than I was a year ago, and as time passes I _will_ be. I’ll heal, and so will you,” he says, pulling his blanket over the two to share. He makes eye contact with the younger while ruffling his hair, making them both giggle. “Because we have each other! neither of us will ever be alone, and sometimes that's all you need; _one_ friend to hold you tight when the world tries to bring you down.” Asahi gives the other a genuine smile as he squeezes his hand, feeling content in the presence of his best friend. “Let’s be that for each other?”

Yedam weakly nods while repeating, “ _we have each other_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please do leave comments; any kind of feedback would be very much appreciated ^_^
> 
> If anyone has twitter, let's be moots! @vintagekyu is my main !! (edit: just moved accounts hehe @kyuthinkr)


End file.
